The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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