Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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