I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
