i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
