I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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