This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
