Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
