Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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