Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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