she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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