when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
