I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
