I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
