There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They have beer where we have blood.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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