I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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