Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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