we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
