It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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