HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So vagazzling was a success
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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