Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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