U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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