How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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