every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.