smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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