Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.