WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.