He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
