you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
