You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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