Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
