I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
