The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
