I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found your dick twin last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
