I love black thongs
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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