I cockslap morals
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
