dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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