I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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