shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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