Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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