I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
