five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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