It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
