Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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