Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
