Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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