You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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