I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
