her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
