Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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