I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize