He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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