she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
