I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
