I'm lost and stupid without you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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