On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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