my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
