Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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