My hand turned me down
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
