I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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