in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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