We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
