Michael Bay diarrhea
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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