i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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