No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
