I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
