I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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