the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
