At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
