ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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