As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
