the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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