So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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