i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
