She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
