no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
