I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
