hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
