I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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