Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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