If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
