wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
