Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
