i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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