I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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