the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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